Social Media Maven (in-the-making)

Oh, this poor blog. How I have neglected you so!

When you check your #WordPress site stats, do you ever see images run through your head, of people all over the world who’ve read your blog? In my case, the scant peoples who have read your blog.

If you’re like me, you’ve barely kept your blog alive with the occasional, sporadic and random ‘CPR post.’ When I birthed this blog in 2008, I wanted a place to share my creations on the interwebs. I was writing poetry, composing and recording songs, and taking a LOT of photos with my phone and the D-SLR camera I purchased on a whim, circa 2009.

However, as you can see in the graph below, my writing has been erratic and declining over the years. Note: I started graduate school in 2013. Not that I’m looking for an excuse.

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I’m in my last month of graduate school and, omg am I ready to exert my energies and brainpower toward what I want to do: Write.

Write and get paid for it. More specifically, I’ve been spending my days learning as much as I can about social media marketing and/or management. I want to utilize my writing chops as well as my systems-oriented skills.

I started in the Couple and Family Therapy Program at Antioch University Seattle; a year ago, I discovered that being a therapist was no longer my goal. When in internship, I felt anxious and insecure but now I know that those feelings were my body and subconscious mind trying to tell me something.

I changed course and transferred to the Non-Clinical Psychology Program. In lieu of working with clients, I’m conducting research for my final project. Research geek alert! The current title is, Examining the Potential of Utilizing Social Media to Address Employee #Depression. (It’s my study, I get to put a hashtag in the title of a research paper if I want.)

All this to say, I am soaking up social media like a sponge on a hot summer’s day.

It occurred to me that I can share the little tips and tricks I’ve been learning with all of you wonderful readers, but not on silent retreat (this blog.)

I’ve decided to close this chapter of my #bloglife and start anew. This blog’s not going anywhere, though.

My new blog will be on odawni.com (don’t look yet – it’s not ready!), where I’ll share my social media ventures, pearls and perils. The huge roadblock of not having professional experience has earned me many kind “thanks but no thanks” responses. It’s frustrating!

On my new blog, I plan to write articles that I curate to learn and practice skills that’ll get me closer to my goal: To metamorphose in to a Social Media Maven.

What you can expect: infographics galore; practice creating products like landing pages and white papers (stuff I don’t know – yet); a series of logos I make for imaginary brands; my frustrations and insights; bad puns and poetry about social media. It’s gonna be geekalicious. (I’m joining the GeekGirlCon team this year as a volunteer copywriter, so the nerd factor is gonna be at an all-time high, folks.)

In the meantime, you can check out my latest pieces in my writing portfolio.

When odawni.com is ready, I would love your company. ❤

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My first practice logo. Made with #OnlineLogoMaker.

 
 

odawni.com.

I have been working on a project that I’m super excited about, you guys!

After years of infrequent posting, I’ve decided to prioritize writing in my life. After years of daydreaming about having a writing career, I am taking steps to make that a reality. or at least take the steps. (it will go where it will go)

I haven’t decided how I will go about merging my blogs; perhaps I won’t. Just wanted to give you the update and invite you to follow my new, professional site: odawni.com

It’s work-in-progress as I figure out in which direction I am going, professionally. I’ll continue to post here for non-pro content. I’ll also keep my relationship blog, xo, O, separate. Relationship deserves its own space. 🙂

Thanks for your support and thanks for reading!

xo, O

 

Stats for silent retreat (kimemeera.wordpress.com)

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Colorful cognitive dioramas.

Looking for a job while experiencing depression illuminates how thick a slice of self-confidence gets hacked off. Just like that. I’m not talking about the run-of-the-mill insecurity, the “normal” kind that reminds us we’re human. The kind that well-meaning friends, family, lovers point to in an effort to bring you some calm, to help you feel not so alone because, “Everyone feels insecure at some point. You’re not the only one who feels this way.” But you feel so desperately alone.

  • Items on bullet-pointed lists of job postings that interest you sum up requirements that seem improbable for you to fulfill.
  • Colleagues you imagine you would work with already dislike you and wonder why you were offered the position.
  • You’ve fallen behind on your task list for a project that you’ve not yet been hired to manage.
  • Your resume is a sheet of neatly organized words spelling out accomplishments and trainings you somehow completed.

Depression is a creative jerk. It creates colorful cognitive dioramas, falsely foreboding failures and fissures. It’s fucked up fantasy. Paralyzing bullshit serum. It’s a snake with three heads. A tiger with tentacled talons. A shade of black too dark for the human eye to see.

***

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Besides feeling that way sometimes — fearful, hesitant, twittered, jittery — I also do the things I enjoy (like record silly raps for potential employers and Vanilla Ice covers) and have meaningful interactions with people. I’m not always depressed or anxious but sometimes I am. Sometimes my mind feels like a cognitive stew with a side salad. Sometimes my mood rides out pretty smooth an entire day; sometimes my body and mind course through multiple moods by noon.

Do you have days when you wake up feeling irritated? Does your mind go blank and your limbs buzz with adrenaline when you hear a loud noise? Do you remember how your stomach felt in the moments just before your first kiss when your lips met hers/theirs/his lips?

We all are affected by our environment. Some peoples’ responses are standard, expected, predictable. Behaviors are conditioned, but for people with mood disorders (e.g. Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder/rapid cycling, Schizophrenia), their internal and external experiences can be 10x as intense as yours (persons who don’t experience a mood disorder first-hand.) Can you imagine that? I know some people are more “sensitive” or empathic than I am, and their experiences can be 50x as intense. I can only imagine.

 

A salvo of magic into the world.

I’ve been sleeping terribly the last few days.
(or do I feel that way every day?)

I just realized why.
(and it’s a good reason why)

🙂

There are so many creative project ideas in my head.
(thatIwanttothrust a salvo of magic into the world!)

I want to do it all.  (I feel good)
and that makes me happy.

{that’s not a hyperlink, #beeteedubz.
#bluetext
#iwonderhowmanypeopleclickedon”good?”}         anyway

That’s why
I’ve been getting
terrible
sleep.

[HASHTAG]nightynight

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Happy bright spring flowers. (xo, O)

There’s a new post on my other blog – xo, O!

I’ve been thinking about consolidating my two blogs together but I feel they serve different purposes so I will let things remain as they will and continue to post updates of my other blog here.

Feel free to subscribe to both/either blog(s)!

Muchas nachos for reading!

Mental health rap.

Literally.

I laid down my first rap the other night. Since Kevin and I started dating six months ago, I’ve been inspired to write and perform a rap song. Kevin and his friends (Jesse and Matt, to name a couple) have been rapping for years. Listening to their stuff made me realize that the way I’ve been writing my poetry, its cadence and flow, suits hip hop well.

Regardless of my profession, it’s important to me to continue to raise awareness about mental health, to dismantle the relentless stigma around it. This is my first mental health rap, yo.

 

Demons are not yours.

Check out my latest post on my relationship blog, xo, O:

Kevin doesn’t have depression. His knowledge of depression — first, second, or eleventh-hand — is limited. Sixth months into our life together, he’s spent time with depressed O at least half the time. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for about three of the past six months. The struggle I’ve been grappling with and have held onto as a ‘my’ struggle for the better part of my 37 years has, in six months, become a ‘we’ struggle.

Every now and then,  when I emerge from the dark dizzying sticky slumber of depression, I ask Kevin, “Are you sure you want to move forward in this relationship? This is how it’s going to be the rest of our lives. I will always fall into depressive ruts.” I feel like I need to regularly give him an out, let him know that I get it if he decides that it’s too much for him to manage. I would understand if nurturing a relationship with someone who cycles through depression as often as I do is too overwhelming for him, for anyone.

Each time, Kevin squares his shoulders and steadies his eyes to mine as if to convey, if you don’t hear my words, feel the conviction of my presence.  “Yes. I’m sure,” he says. “I want to be with you.”

Continue reading this post here.

Let it fall.

October 6, 2015

This song is part of a final assignment I wrote, performed, and submitted for my Buddhism Psychology class.

This tousled hair for you.

Here again in this dark pit. shit. fucking back again.

All those times. the energy. the feeling free. those weren’t me. yes they were. no, they weren’t. they aren’t. they’re not. they’re not. They’re not?

They are. They’re me. I’m caught. caught in depression’s throat. gurgling complaints of pain on pain on pain and pain. soaked in shame, blame. it’s all the same. the same as it was 20 years ago. the same as it was 10 years ago. 4 years. last year. yesterday.

I’m a circle. i don’t fit. into the box of society’s expectations. my contributions are lacking. why they don’t send me packing, I don’t know. It’s gobsmacking.

Again? this is happening again? she feels down again? Again? Yes! AGAIN. Friends, this is the way of it. the timeless tide. unexpectedly expected. it’s a ride. with a hefty toll – regret.

regret. there’s no time for that. no time to sweat the things remembered; not remembered. I remember all those times. the times in bed. in my head. the dread. of being human. acting human. pretending human. but what’s more human than being in the depths of despair? This tousled hair. I’ve been working on it for days. for you.

for you I’ve fallen down the hole again. it’s unending. I know it won’t end. so much back bending to appear normal. to look ok. to be social. to force interaction. there’s an attraction to this hiding. this pulling away. this get-my-face-out-of-all-that-air-out-there. it isn’t fair. it’s not. but who said anything about that?

***

I’ve been holed up for a few days. mostly sleeping or awake-worrying.

I’ve been living with depression for years. it waxes and wanes. I’m in one of those stages. whichever one goes down.

I’m OK. Really, I am OK. I know this. but I want you to too.

Each time I share this part of me. these scary experiences. when depression strangles my self and life for as long as it does each time. when I feel most judged. most unsure. most shaky and shy in anxiety. I’m nervous. I’m nervous to share these things. to write them is part of my therapy. to share them is too.

I share them with you because it’s important. because sometimes I need to publish my crazy to the public. to make it more real – self-imposing paradoxical intervention.

I share them with you because I’m not the only one hiding and afraid. others have their dark clouds too. when they hover overhead, it can feel unbearable. it feels unbearable.

You may not understand this feeling. this fear. the strength involved in being here. but I hope that my exposure, my self disclosure. I hope it helps. It’s why I do it. It’s why I will continue to. even when I’m most afraid. especially when I’m most afraid. because vulnerability is key. it’s free. vulnerability is humanity.

One-way ticket to Vulnerability City.

Did you know I have another blog where I spill my heart and guts out navigating through and processing my love life? Yep! And there are two new posts:

A safe space where only (s)he and I can go.

Break-up, make-up; repeat.

Feel free to subscribe to xo, O while you’re there!