Yesterday, today.

It’s come around again: the emptiness.  The vapid moments that sew the day(s) together when the haze moves in.  I’ve lost my footing on the slippery slope that’s been slanted by a lifetime of depression and disorderly moods.  In these times, I’m  swallowed by a lethargy that turns a mattress into a monster, a hungry hungry monster, and I sleep swaddled in sweat-wetted sheets for days.  The length of time that ticks-and-tocks in this textile sarcophagus varies – 2 days, 1 week, 17 days – and can only be measured in hindsight, when I wake to the world again.  I’ll continue to slip and to slide, but I’ll wake to the world over and over again.

***

***

:: Journal entry ::

Only a couple of days ago I had 3 great days.  My mind was clear, my energy up, my motivation was present, my future was left in its place, as it should be.
When does forced, faked confidence melt into something real?

Written Wednesday, February 2, 2011.

***

:: Poem ::

I feel invincible today
yesterday, not so much
yesterday I was wallowing in the absence of embrace
today I feel touched without having to be touched
today I feel love from a thousand different planets
yesterday, not so much
today it felt OK to kick off the sheets
yesterday, I couldn’t get enough
of the comfort of a blanket
warming my bones
to not feel so alone
for the feeling of home
when home can’t be sewn
it sprouts from the experience of a nurtured invisible
like art before it’s created
a seed tossed in soil.

Written Wednesday, August 25, 2004.

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